What is Matrescence? Real-Time Coaching on Your Identity Shift, with Tessa Johnson-Jones
How to Find Yourself Again After Motherhood: A Guided Coaching Session
Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection and feel a strange sense of disconnect? Maybe you open your closet, filled with clothes from your pre-baby life, and it feels like looking at a stranger’s wardrobe. When someone asks what you do for fun, maybe you draw a blank. Your world has been completely remade by motherhood, and in the process, the “you” that you knew so well can feel distant, blurred, or altogether gone.
If this resonates, you are not experiencing a personal failure. You are experiencing Matrescence, a developmental period as profound and tumultuous as adolescence. Our latest podcast episode is an interactive workshop dedicated to guiding you through it.
Matrescence: The Unrecognized Transformation
As coach for mothers, Tessa, explains in the session, we readily give teenagers grace for their journey. We understand that the neurological rewiring, hormonal cascades, and social pressures of adolescence inevitably change who they are. Yet, we expect mothers—who undergo a similar, if not more intense, transformation—to simply “bounce back.”
This expectation is a disservice to the reality of becoming a mother. Matrescence is a point of no return. You cannot go back to your old self, because that person no longer exists. The goal is not to bounce back, but to grow forward.
A crucial part of growing forward is allowing yourself to grieve what’s been lost, without guilt. It is okay to miss uninterrupted sleep, spontaneous trips, or the quiet solitude of finishing a hot coffee. As Tessa states in the episode, “Grief does not mean regret.” You can deeply love your new life and your children while simultaneously mourning the loss of your past freedoms.
A Live Workshop to Guide You Forward
Our new podcast is not a passive conversation; it’s a real-time coaching session. We invite you to grab a pen and paper and press play. Tessa will guide you through a series of journaling prompts designed to bring clarity and reconnect you with yourself. Here’s a look at the journey you’ll take.
Prompt 1: Taking Stock of Your New Identity The first step is honest reflection. The session guides you to answer: How do I truly feel about my identity in motherhood? You’ll explore what has changed, what you genuinely love about this new version of yourself, and what you honestly miss. This isn’t about judgment; it’s about acknowledgment.
Prompt 2: Uncovering Your Core Values Your identity may feel different, but your core values—your personal North Star—are still there. They may just be buried under diapers and to-do lists. The workshop provides a list of values to spark your memory—words like adventure, creativity, ambition, calmness, fun, stability, or learning. You’ll identify the 3-5 that resonate most deeply, reminding you of what has always been at your core.
Prompt 3: Gently Reintegrating Your Values This is where the process becomes truly practical. Tessa guides you to ask: How could I gently reintroduce one of these values into my life, right now? This isn’t about adding another stressful goal to your plate. It’s about small, creative adjustments. If you value “adventure,” it doesn’t mean booking a flight to Peru. As Tessa suggests, maybe it just means finding a new museum to visit with your child instead of the usual play cafe. If you value “creativity,” perhaps it’s spending five minutes doodling while your child naps. It’s about finding the essence of the value in your current reality.
Prompt 4: Committing to One Small Action The session culminates in an act of self-commitment. You’ll be guided to choose one small, exciting, and realistic action you can take this week to honor one of your values. You’ll write it down as an “I commit to…” statement, transforming a vague wish into a concrete intention. For example: “I commit to finding one new walking path this month.”
This process isn’t a quick fix (nothing is!), but it is a starting point. It’s a powerful reminder that while your roles have expanded, the core of who you are hasn’t disappeared. She is still there, waiting to be rediscovered.
Thank you for listening!
